


River Song's Diary

by TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers



Category: Doctor Who, The Diary of River Song (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for the Diary of River Song Series One, Spoilers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers/pseuds/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor asks River what she's been doing while his back's been turned...</p>
            </blockquote>





	River Song's Diary

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> SPOILER WARNING: There are spoilers for series one of the Diary of River Song and a teaser for Doom Coalition 2 in this fic.
> 
> It will make more sense if you've listened to the box set already.
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)

The Doctor and River Song had spent a few days on Darillium. It was their first morning in their new cottage and the sun was still setting outside.

The Doctor ran his hand along River's naked body, causing her to wake up.

"Morning, sweetie," she said sleepily as she stretched.

"Morning, my love," he pulled her even closer than she already was.

She smiled into his neck contentedly. He kissed her curls, which wrapped themselves around the fingers of his left hand.

"What are we doing today?" the Doctor asked.

"I don't know," River replied. "That's usually your department. I would, however, quite like to do a bit more of this."

The Doctor smiled as she snuggled even further into him.

"All day?"

"Of course not! I'd get hungry."

"We could go somewhere in the TARDIS. Anywhere you like."

"I'll think about it."

They were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying each others company. The Doctor had a thoughtful expression on his face. He looked as if he had just realised something obvious. He turned his head towards River, burying his face in her curls.

"Where have you been, then?" he asked. "What have you been up to without me?"

"Nearly being drowned by a tear-drinking, three-thousand-year-old queen and blowing up starliners. Why?"

"I've always told you stories of my adventures without you, but you've never told me much about yours."

"I never really thought you were that interested in me," River saw the Doctor's face fall to become the perfect picture of self-loathing.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should never have let you think like that."

"You can't blame yourself for that. The rest of the Universe could see it, it was only me who couldn't. So, shut up," River glared. "None of that matters now. You've fixed it. So can we please carry on with the conversation we were just having?"

"Yes."

River nodded in satisfaction.

"Tell me a story, then," the Doctor insisted. "I am interested."

"Okay," she started, wondering where she should begin. "After Manhattan, I went to the early twentieth century and worked as an archaeologist..."

"Oh, no!" the Doctor interrupted.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I thought you'd just been digging holes everywhere."

"Whatever happened to 'caring husband'?" River muttered. "I wasn't digging holes everywhere. I stayed in my office most of the time."

"Doesn't sound like you."

"At the time I was fed up with traveling."

"And I married you?"

"Shut up! I think it had more to do with losing mum and dad than my sense of adventure, anyway."

"Ahh."

"Then they sent me to a tomb that had remained undisturbed for three thousand years. They'd just managed to open it up enough for a small person to climb inside. The young girl they sent told them she could see little lights, then she screamed and then... nothing."

"Okay, I'm intrigued."

 

 

"Party Ship?" the Doctor's brow furrowed.

"Yes," River smirked, knowing what he was thinking.

"That sounds familiar."

The Doctor was impressed by her, she could tell. That pleased her enormously. She'd never sought the approval of anyone else, it wasn't something that mattered to her. But the Doctor was her exception to so many rules that it didn't surprise her when his pride made her feel warm inside.

"After I'd finished my glass of rather brilliant champagne," she continued her story, "Bertie Potts came over to me and..."

"Bertie Potts? The man who died in the tomb?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I'll explain latter. Anyway, we had a bit of a chat. After he'd gone off, a robot came over to me and asked for help..."

"But you said the robots couldn't speak."

"They couldn't."

"River," the Doctor raised an eyebrow at her.

River just smiled sweetly.

 

 

"Then he turned to Bertie and said 'Hello, I don't believe we've been introduced. I'm River's husband.'"

"Another one?" the Doctor groaned.

"Spoilers," River smirked. "He turned back to me, eyes sparkling and said 'Hello, sweetie.'"

 

 

"You shot him!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"Well, he did lock me up in an imprint machine for God knows how long," River reasoned.

"Well, yes..."

"And he did make me think I was dying."

"Yes, but..."

"And he read my diary."

"True..."

"And worst of all, he drugged my clones so I would believe he was you."

"I know..."

"And I didn't like him."

"While he was pretending to be me, you did."

"I always like you, sweetie. And he was annoyingly good at it."

The Doctor just smiled.

 

 

"You. In your eighth body. I saw you chatting to Bertie over by the endangered shark dish," River put her cup of tea back on the coffee table before leaning back into the Doctor's arms on the sofa. "Then they sent you off to disarm a Spore Ship. They found you one that was hanging motionless above a planet with ten billion inhabitants. You climbed inside it not long before it was brought into the First Races' ship for repair. In the end you had to disable it in the TARDIS control room. You dumped it in one of our favourite black holes. Don't you remember? It was just before the war, for you."

"You were Spritz, weren't you?" the Doctor realized, beaming.

"Yes, I was," River smiled proudly.

"Oh, River! You bloody marvel!" he looked at her as if she'd hung the very stars.

"You haven't even heard what I did to the Eleven yet," she teased.

"When did you meet the Eleven?"

"Long story."

"Oh, of course! The card was from you!"

"Of course," River chuckled at the Doctor's excitement.

"How many of my faces have you interfered with?" he asked.

"All of them," she smirked.

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

"Oh, yes," River winked. "I've barely started."


End file.
